Sweet Old Mr. Bear!

Roast Beef smoked out with Téodor and Lyle and that little Todd thing Friday night at Ray's, and I'm not really fond of pot, so I had to make my own way through the night. I ended up chatting for a long time with Cornelius, who is completely hung up on this Russian volleyball player named Ekaterina. It is the sweetest thing I have ever heard. He's taking language courses and jogging and reading everything he can about her sport and home town. He even knows her birthstone. He's tracking down her address so he can send her "letters of introduction"!

Then at the other end of the romance spectrum there's Beef, who ate about thirty-five tempura shrimp, threw up into the holes in a parked car's hubcap, and then insisted that he felt horny when we got home. I was not in the mood to have sex with something that just threw up, call me frigid. Two seconds later he was asleep with his arm in a bad position so I rolled him over and read Cosmo for a while.

Stand by your man...

Well, I got Beef into the make-out room but he had pretty severe performance issues. It went kind of like this:

MOLLY: Come on, Beef! Let’s have a quickie in the pool house!

BEEF: Oh dang lady you gonna land us in the soup !

M: No one’s looking! Come on!

B: Oh man not with all these people around please

M: Look, the door locks! No one will know! [I shut the door]

B: Man I can hear Ray's voice this ain't possible

M: Come on, Beef! Take me now! [I lower my top]

B: Wow if you think I can do that then you are amazing

At that point my feelings were pretty hurt and I hauled my top back up and stormed out. He didn't even follow me and try to apologize, he just went and played pool. For the rest of the party I hung out and danced with Téodor, but he was inside the whole time and I don't think he saw. We went home separately, me before him, and when he got into bed we just laid there on our separate halves, acting like neither person was there. Before too long he was grinding his teeth and I knew we weren't going to talk. He is such a brick wall, it's getting kind of hard to take.

Who's Hot Stuff? I am.

I'm really starting to look forward to these parties Ray throws every Friday. He puts a lot of thought into them and never even charges a cover. Even though he's a big dumbo, he's a sweet and generous dumbo. That goes a long way...earlier this week Beef came home with this huge new drum scanner—apparently Ray bought it to scan things with but then decided that he didn't want to scan things after all. It was new in the crate. Beef's going to sell it on eBay—similar models are going for $19,000! See what I mean?

Anyhow, back to the party. The theme tonight is "Hot Stuff" or something, so I'm going to wear my matching underwear and try to sneak Beef off into the pool shed for a quickie! I'm going to wear the red stockings he said he liked, that will probably help. He's not much for PDA, so I'm not sure how a quasi-public screw will go over.

Where have I been!

Let's see, what happened this week...Beef has been pretty weird. We went to dinner at Mango Star, this new place in Hidden Hills (it's in this one spot that seems to have a new asian restaurant in it every month) and the whole time he stared at his Coke or thought overly long over the noodles. He was pretty useless for conversation. After we got home he went for a long walk by himself. I wish he'd try to talk to me about whatever's bothering him. It's like there's this thin plastic bag between us, and all it would take is a toothpick to break the levee.

Sleepy Symphonies

Roast Beef is snoring SO LOUD. Along with the teeth grinding, the weird successive "puffs" he makes with his mouth, and the constant tossing and turning, he's a regular one-man band. I can't sleep so I was up AIM-ing Téodor and looking at some Pottery Barn curtains for the room. I guess it's the couch again tonight for me, which will be alright since Gramma K left an empty jug of Chablis on the coffee table. That means she'll be in bed until noon (she's pretty predictable this way).

What's been going on lately...we had a pretty nice date tonight. He was so corny about it: first he brought me flowers completely out of the blue, and asked if I would "perhaps join him" at King Tzu's at 7pm. It isn't 1936, Roast Beef! It was sweet, though. My man isn't the smoothest in the world, but his heart is there. Afterwards we went on a little walk around the underground and he kissed me right in front of this one fountain, like he'd been planning it as the most romantic spot for a kiss. I wish he didn't think so much about romance beforehand. Next time I go down on him and he's about to come, I'm going to stick my finger up his ass.

My man's a goof.

Okay, Roast Beef's a goof. I knew that when I got involved. I like guys who are a little goofy, and I love that about him. It's just that sometimes he catches me completely off guard.

We were gardening today, taking care of all the new plants we'd put in the yard, and for a little while I was bent over weeding this patch of white dahlias. I was working at them pretty steady, and I guess my ass was going up and down in these tight black workout shorts that I got for around-the-house wear, because when I stood up, Beef immediately started spraying the hose across the front of his shorts. He gave me this funny sideways smile that basically meant I'd caught him in the middle of a hot daydream...he could have just turned around instead of taking the impromptu cold shower. Or taken me inside.