Molly Says

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I got my MRS in RBK.

Our wedding was the longest party I've never been to. If you're married, you know what I mean. Endless clusters of older men and women with margarine-color teeth, saying things like "Well, guess it's too late now!" (while poking Beef in the ribs), or asking when I'm going to pump out a baby. When am I going to pump out a baby? Every time anybody asks me, that's a one-month penalty. It's not like I didn't already get enough irritating conception advice from mom:

"Catch the first breath of a sulfur match in a candle-snuff and hold it firmly against your exposed lady-bits while coughing."

"Dress your wrists with a tincture of Lithia water and good Scotch whisky, as your blood is nearest the surface there. The whisky will encourage the bearing of boys."

"Never let him observe your sanitary truss, for it will put him off his affections indefinitely, and he may choose instead to lay with sailors or clerks."

THANKS MOM. Anyhow, we just got back from our honeymoon, a quiet little trip to Oregon where we lived in the woods and played mini-golf at an abandoned course that some wealthy Political Science students seem to have made in the 1970s (Beef found the rolled-up astroturf in a shed and set it out). It was wonderful. We lived out of the RV, dried our clothes on a clothesline, ate simple meals off of a picnic table that was dusty yellow from pine pollen, and made icy little piña coladas from a package at three every day. When we got back we got to go on an "in-house shopping spree" and open all the wedding gifts that were delivered while we were away. I guess the copper braising pot hit the pricing sweet spot, because we got seventeen of them. I think the only person who didn't get us a copper braiser was Todd, who gave us an off-registry spoon...probably so that he could come over and freebase out of it.

Oh well. It's good to be back and to have all the wedding drama behind us. It's only noon, but I think I'm going to make us a couple piña coladas and organize photos for the album (all the prints from the disposable reception-table cameras are done — there's a great sequence of Spongebath eating a drumstick and then smiling at the end).

Miss Lady