Workin' For The (Robotic) Man
I was having a hard time finding any restaurant work, and then I wandered into this hole-in-the-wall Subway and landed an under the table job making sandwiches. Vlad, the owner, apparently knew all the guys and was really friendly, paying me in cash (lower than the minimum wage, but better than I would make after taxes, he explained) and letting me eat a free veggie sub for every shift I worked. Things went pretty well for a while — at Subway you make the sandwich directly in front of the customer, so they can't complain when they get it — I was happy enough. I could work as many hours as I wanted and Vlad just tinkered with stuff in the back, rarely bothering me.
About a week into the gig he asked if I wanted to start making "commissions." His idea was to have me on a webcam, and "gentlemen suitors" would log on and buy me sandwiches. I was supposed to eat them wearing a skimpy top and acting "extreemingkly grateful." I would get commissions based on how many sandwiches I enticed the men into buying, as well as for upgrades like bacon, cheese, guacomole, 12", etc. It wasn't exactly porn, and I didn't have to stick anything (other than sandwiches) into myself, so I figured I'd give it a go.
The program was a pretty immediate success, and within three days I was packing in about five subs an hour. I had to start running a couple miles before work each day just to compensate for the calorie intake, and I also figured out a few tricks to keep me from having to eat the whole sandwich, like pulling the bulk of the bread out and just keeping the crust (I made the requested sandwiches off-camera), and omitting upgrades the customer couldn't see, like extra cheese. I was making five times as much money as before, and Vlad was humming around the place, thrilled that his new idea was working out.
Unfortunately, Beef got wind of the scheme and like Dudley Do-Right had to come "rescue" me from my high-paying job. I went back the next day but Vlad said in pretty square terms that his business had "no place for jealous boyfriend." Thanks, Beef.